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Showing posts from 2013

Year in review.

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If the last day of the year isn't an appropriate time to look back over the year, then I don't know when is. Since you're just itching to know what my year looked like in a nutshell, I graciously decided to jot a few notes down for you. Consider it my (really lame) gift to you.
Celebrated 1 year of marriage in January. (Un)Officially became marriage experts and decided we'll never encounter any difficulties after a solid year of marriage under the belt to prove that we definitely have it all figured out.Lost a family friend and a cousin.Took a trip cross-country to California in April. Sipped wine. Dipped my toes in the Pacific Ocean. Quickly removed toes from the Pacific Ocean. (That sucka is C-O-L-D.) Climbed mountains. Made friends with a local deer and a goat. Ate lots. Laughed lots.Babies were born, including my precious little Goddaughter, who likes me better than Uncle Patrick. Sometimes.My nephew turned 3 in May and my niece turned 8 in December! (Quit getting o…

Happy Christmas.

I received calls. Texts. Emails. Handwritten letters and postcards. They all said the same thing:

It's been more than a week! Where are you?
At least, I'm sure that's what they would have said had you all not been too busy with the holidays to notice or care that I haven't posted in over a week.

So! How was your holiday? I hope it was merry and bright. But even if it wasn't, I hope you're doing great today, on this sixth day of Christmas

That's right. It's still Christmas. And it will be until January 6th. My true love did not get me six geese a-layin', but geese scare me so it was a pretty smart move on his part.

Here's a brief description of what my Christmas Eve and Christmas Day looked like:

Driving. Eating. Gifts. Driving back to Tallahassee. Enter church on Christmas Eve; leave on Christmas morning. Sleepiness. Christmas morning! Gifts. Eat. More driving. Eat again. More neat gifts. Eat again. Even more neat gifts. More driving. Doctor's app…

I need to whine a minute. Thanks for listening.

How have things been the first chunk of my pregnancy? Oh, just fine! No morning sickness. No nausea. Generally feeling great.

Eventually something's going to happen, right?

Well my "thing" is clearly the gestational diabetes. But not even really that. It's the FIVE HUNDRED MILLION THOUSAND DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS.

Here's a letter I received (not really, just play along):

Hey Becs, you gots ya some 'betis! So much for a smooth-sailing pregnancy!

So here's what I'm going to need you to do.

1. Go to a meeting that lasts 3 hours to learn how Crystal Light is okay to drink, and Equal is fine, but stevia is not. And no one mentions how fiber in certain foods affects the body's absorption of carbs. "A carb is a carb." Then learn about how you get to prick your finger 4 fun-filled times a day to check your blood sugar.

(See Wilford? I told you I would check my blood sugar, and check it often.)

You're going to write down each blood glucose reading. A…

Mommy test #3: Big fat gestational fail.

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I've been joking about it since last week. But, I mean, we joke about things we never really expect (or dare believe!) will happen to us, right? Like, "If I win a car..." or "When I win the lottery..." or "Since I probably have gestational diabetes..."

I mean, who HASN'T joked about all three of those things at one time or another, amiright?

Consider us monumentally lucky, because two of those things have happened to this little Sheffield family. Patrick did indeed win a Jeep about 2 years ago. But which of the other two might it be?



Well, Wilford Brimley, I'm going to follow your advice. I'm going to check my blood sugar, and check it often. I have gestational di-uh-bee-tus.

Are you sooooo jealous? You should be. After all, it was my "beetus" that allowed me the opportunity to take the second glucose tolerance test. And can I just say, it was everything I hoped and dreamed.

My test was Tuesday morning and I was all kinds of jazzed…

Mommy Test #2: Preemptive fail?

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Am I already a bad mom?

I mean, we know I am since I failed my very first ever test as a mom: the glucose tolerance test. But I'm talking about the fact that I think my child will, when it's old enough, have to be deprived of the Great Smiling Stalker of the North, Elf of the Shelf.


Look at him there, sitting on some invisible shelf. He's trying to be all, "Hey guys, I'm just shyly looking off to to the side! 'Cause I'm so shy! Tee-hee!" And you're probably thinking, "Aw, hey there little buddy. What's your name? You look so sweet..."

WRONG WRONG WRONG Do you understand what this little guy does? Who he is? Or rather, who he claims to be? The basic story, as told to the unthinking sheep of society, is this: A family adopts a little elf and gives him or her a name. When they do, it gets magic that lets him or her fly to the North Pole from your house every night to let Santa know if you were naughty or nice. Then it comes back before yo…

I want one. How do I get one?

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You saw my rendition of my dream house last week and thought several things:
Wow! She's a true artist!Why is her house wearing a hat?How much time did she spend on that?Gosh, I happen to know how she can get that house she was asking for.My responses are:
Yeah, I am. Thanks.Hats make things more fancy. I want my house to feel fancy and pretty.Too much.Do tell!In case you didn't have the pleasure of viewing my masterpiece, here ya go.

The short story is, I want a house so badly I can taste it. We like our apartment, but I'd love to able to have a yard, a porch, a little privacy.
Another closet.
A kitchen with more than 2 feet of functional counter space.

When I look around at people who are my age or younger who purchase or build houses, I genuinely want to know: how in the world do you do it?

I fancy myself quite the little savings ninja. We put money aside every month (and are blessed to be able to do so). But still, there's always something to be saving for or tackling th…

Honor system and 2 meals.

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Does anyone have a house they want to sell us using the honor system and with no down payment? I'd love the opportunity to take advantage of your kindness. In return, I promise that:
our payments will be timely and in fullwe'll cook you at least 2 meals over the lifetime of our debt owed to youthose meals will be somewhere in the taste range of mediocre to fairly goodSo, anyone?...

Anyone?...

Fine, I'll stick to drawing my dream house. It looks a little like this:



Okay, maybe not exactly like that. But if you would have sold me that house like I asked, you wouldn't have had to look at this picture, would you? So whose fault is that?

Yours.

xo

Mommy Test #1: Fail

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Before reading this post, here's a little hint as to what it's about:



Several weeks ago at my ol' lady doctor office, I had the following conversation. This is exactly how it went.*

Them: When you hit 26 weeks, you need to go take a glucose tolerance test to test for gestational diabetes.
Me: Fun! Can I do it right now?!!
Them: No, Rebecca, you have to wait until 26 weeks. It's very important for some reason. Also, you can't eat anything at all or drink anything but water after midnight before your test.
Me: I LOVE fasting! I guess I should wait until 26 weeks, but it sounds so fun and amazing!
Them: It really is. You'll love it. But you have to wait. We don't know why. Just trust us.

So I waited and on Monday I drove my happy, hungry little self down to the diagnostics lab to drink some stuff, wait an hour, and have some blood sucked out of me. It was pretty much as much fun as I'd hoped. They even played classic rock in the waiting room. Who doesn't love…

Okay, I'll be thankful, part VII.

People like to post something they're thankful for every day during November. I've decided to jump in on the action by posting a few days at a time.

Things I'm Just Pleased as Punch About 
November 26: I'm thankful for the upcoming days off work. (Do I even need to explain that one?)

November 27: I'm thankful for my mother-in-law. Happy birthday! Sorry your birthday is the day before Thanksgiving.

November 28: I'm thankful it's Thanksgiving! And for pie! And sides! And food comas! And leftover Turkey sandwiches! And "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving"!

November 29: I'm thankful for my good friend Lynn. Happy birthday! Sorry your birthday is the day after Thanksgiving.

November 30: I'm thankful that as we enter December, we start the season of Advent, which of course, means CHRISTMAS IS NEARLY HERE!!!! (I like Christmas. And my Advent candy calendar.)

What are you thankful for?

Okay, I'll be thankful, part VI.

People like to post something they're thankful for every day during November. I've decided to jump in on the action by posting a few days at a time.

Things I'm Just Pleased as Punch About 
November 21: I'm thankful for snobbery and snootery. As long as its done in fun and not totally forrealz, it makes life, like, totes more enjoyable.

November 22: I'm thankful for Friday lunch dates with Patrick. Especially when they include pizza. I'm thankful for pizza.

November 23: For the first time in my life (and I am in my 30s) I am the owner of a smartphone. So I'm thankful for 2005--the year I'm now joining.

November 24: I'm thankful for Sundays. Church, family, brunch, friends.

November 25: I suppose I'm thankful for Mondays, since this week is a 2-day work week for me. Holla!

What are you thankful for?

Grain: the silent killer of my brain (and other fun rhymes).

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A new book out called "Grain Brain" says, basically, that carbs are rotting our brains.

I read an article about this book on my favorite British website, Daily Mail.  But, of course, any doctor who claims that even oatmeal -- OATMEAL --  is robbing me of my faculties would be from Florida. Naturally.

Perry is the center of the world and Florida is the hub of all weirdness.

I don't really buy the theory that having the occasional bowl of rice is going to send me into an early decline. However, if this turns out to be true, I'm in trouble.

This past weekend I traveled to the Orlando area to visit my college friend, R*, who I never talk to. Neither of us like to make phone calls. We facebook sometimes. And then once in a while we visit and have a blast and talk about the educational system and finances and how fantastic it is to put on PJs as soon as you get home from work. It works for us. Don't judge our relationship.

Another thing we do is eat. Brunch! Lunch! Snacks! …

Okay, I'll be thankful, part V.

People like to post something they're thankful for every day during November. I've decided to jump in on the action by posting a few days at a time.

Things I'm Just Pleased as Punch About 
November 17: I'm thankful for inter-office email. Because sometimes, it's just too much trouble to walk 20 paces to the office directly next to yours to have a conversation.

November 18: I'm thankful for my friends. They let me hold their kids, sit in their houses, eat their food, and they laugh at my stupid jokes.

November 19: I'm thankful for midwives, nurses, and doctors. Gotta be thankful for the people that will (all too soon) be helping me evict the kid squatting in my uterus (and not paying rent--rude!).

November 20: I'm thankful for PJs. Because they're comfy. Duh.

What are you thankful for?

Have you seen a gorilla make love, Bruno?

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One day last week, as I was leaving work, Bruno Mars' song "Gorilla" came on the radio. This song is super popular and catchy. And super raunchy. Talking about legs in the sky and making love like gorillas and stuff. So inapprop.

Before last week, I just thought of it as such--a raunchy, albeit catchy, song. Since two Saturdays ago, however, I can only think of one thing: actual gorillas doing it.

Everyone has told me lately to enjoy sleeping in while I can. So, naturally, I wake up before 7:00 on Saturdays--my one day to sleep in--so that Lizzie can have breakfast and the pleasure of my company. She insists, and I cave. (Perhaps I'll be a bad parent. "You want Oreos and Kool-Aid for breakfast? Okay. If you insist.")

Anyway. I'm going to tell you something I'm positive you don't need to be told at all. There isn't much to watch on the major networks at 7am on a Saturday. After flipping through the channels repeatedly that morning, I finally lan…

Okay, I'll be thankful, part IV.

People like to post something they're thankful for every day during November. I've decided to jump in on the action by posting a few days at a time.

Things I'm Just Pleased as Punch About 
November 13: I'm thankful for my stinky salads. They're delicious, packed full of good veggies and tasty bleu cheese, and guarantee that unwanted visitors won't stay in my office for too long. No one likes the office that smells like foot.

November 14: I'm thankful to live in the South, where I get to say "pleased as punch" and "yonder" and "I'm fixin' to" and "caddywompus." It's just more fun that way. 

November 15: I'm thankful for my church. Not only do I feel more connected to and informed about God than I have in years, but they serve wine at get-togethers and have group meetings at Momo's.

November 16: I'm thankful for navigation devices, so I was able to make it to my old pal Renee's place in Central…

Comment. You might like it.

UPDATED: to include Fun suggestions of things to say in the comments. I thought everyone would really struggle to know what to say, so I decided to help. You're welcome.

So, my 5 regulars, how are you?

Have you noticed that I've switched things up here? Visually it's much less "ducks flying over a lake you can't see and kind of Boring in the non-Fun way"-esqe and more "I'm so sophisticated with my cool color palate and I added a picture of me finally"-esqe.

The picture is of me frolicking in a California vineyard. It adds to the sophistication.

Another thing I've changed is that you no longer have to do the weird word verify thing when leaving a comment. You know the one. Where you try to figure out what crazy letter/number combo you're looking at, enter it, get it wrong, try again, get it wrong again, and then say, "Um, nm. I don't care about leaving a comment that much."

You also no longer have to wait for the moderator (moi)…

Life lessons from Lizzie.

It's been a little while since I've updated you on my precious feline child, Lizzie.

Nothing's new.

I mean, she's a cat. She doesn't get up to a whole heckuva lot.

However, with 6 years of parenting this weird, furry child, I have picked up on some pretty awesome life lessons from her. I think you could benefit from knowing these things, too.

How Life Should be Done, According to Lizzie
1) If you don't work out, be a work out coach. Lizzie knows my dedication to exercise isn't as consistent as it could be. When I manage to start squatting and lunging and planking, she makes it a point to walk right underneath me while I'm attempting these moves. It provides me with some much needed company--a swat at my ankles lets me know I'm loved. It's also extremely helpful in keeping me on my toes. It forces me to perform some spectacularly acrobatic moves to avoid stepping on her while she steadfastly refuses to move!

Put it into practice: It's a take on th…

Okay, I'll be thankful, part III.

People like to post something they're thankful for every day during November. I've decided to jump in on the action by posting a few days at a time.

Things I'm Just Pleased as Punch About 
November 9: I'm thankful for my car. Without it, I'd have to walk to work and get exercise daily whether I want it or not.

November 10: I'm thankful for brunch. It may be the best meal ever invented.

November 11: For our veterans. For all they've done for us. Thank you!

November 12: I'm thankful for Hulu. Without it, I'd have to miss mindless, pointless TV and do something productive instead.

What are you thankful for?

Okay, I'll be thankful, part II.

People like to post something they're thankful for every day during November. I've decided to jump in on the action by posting a few days at a time.

Things I'm Just Pleased as Punch About 
November 5: I'm thankful for my cat. She can be a tad annoying sometimes, and licks her butt in front of company, and meows incessantly until we give her breakfast. But I like her anyway.

November 6: I'm thankful for my family. They make me laugh and love me and stuff. (And I love them.) Also, they sometimes buy me lunch or ice cream.

November 7: I'm thankful for workout DVDs. Because I eat a lot of cake and pie for breakfast this time of year.

November 8: I'm thankful for elastic waist pants. Because I eat a lot of cake and pie for breakfast this time of year.

What are you thankful for?

Okay, I'll be thankful, part I.

People like to post something they're thankful for every day during November. I've decided to jump in on the action by posting a few days at a time.

Things I'm Just Really Pleased as Punch About 
November 1: I'm thankful that it's November. Because eating pie for breakfast is most acceptable during this month.

November 2: I'm thankful for Patrick, my sweetheart. Who else is going to sacrifice for our family by drinking beer while I can't?

November 3: I'm thankful for down comforters. Without them, I'd have to turn the heat on much sooner, and I'm cheap and like a low bill.

November 4: I'm thankful for old bananas. Because you can use them to make banana coffee cake. The name "coffee cake" tells you to have it with your coffee, which is done first thing in the morning. Which means I can have cake for breakfast, in addition to pie. And that's a big ol' WIN.

What are you thankful for?


Compliments only.

It really takes a mature person to handle constructive criticism. That's how I know I'm probably not quite grown up yet.

That's my way of prefacing the following statement: Please feel free to let me know what you think about my writing, as long as it's a compliment.

You see, I'm (sporadically) writing this blog for several reasons.
1) I figured I'd be at least as entertaining as some of the other junk I've seen out there.
2) It's a nice way to keep people vaguely aware of what the major haps are in my life.

But the main reason is,
3) APPROVAL!

In my most desperate voice I declare: I just want to be liked! I want people to think I'm funny! Oh heavens to Betsy and Mergatroid, please like me!

(I just collapsed on a fainting sofa for a moment until I could gather my wits and my strength. That's how passionate I am about being liked.)

So, if you don't think I'm funny, or a decent writer, I have a quick and easy suggestion: quit reading. But if you f…

What I now know about having a bump.

Once upon a time, I ruminated on how awesome it would be to have a baby bump. Then I considered why it might not be quite so great having a baby bump.

Nearly halfway through a pregnancy, I can now speak to a few things that are great and not-so-great about it. Granted, I'm still not showing very much, but I'm sure the bigger my belly gets, the more I'll learn about the joys and miseries of hosting the cutest parasite I'll ever love.

Here's what I've learned so far.
On the positive side, I'm growing a human! Pretty mind-blowing when you really think about it. It's a blessing from God; all good things come from Him, after all.

On the flip side, I'm growing a human. Which means I'll have to give birth to a human.  (Not a pain-free experience, I hear. Thanks, Adam and Eve.) Then raise a human into a responsible, non-annoying person. No pressure.

But I feel great! I've had a very easy pregnancy so far!

Except when people pressure me to eat junk food, …

Pigtailed, pregnant pilates ladies don't play.

Not too long ago I proudly (smugly) declared that exercise had officially become a regular habit of mine.

Yeeeaaahhhh, funny thing about that. I don't know how it works for negative habits, but if you want to make sure to break a positive habit, brag about it.

"Hey guys, I can finally say that I'm a chain smoker!"
"Guess what! I now eat ONLY fast food!"
"I finally work out 4 days a week, every week!"

Guess which one of those three probably won't be a habit in 3 months.

But anyway, I haven't worked out regularly since maybe April. Or March. Or something. Oh, sure, sure. I'd get in a sporadic walk or workout here and there, but instead of 3-4 times a week, it was maybe 3-4 times a month (and that only if I was feeling particularly motivated).

And then I began hosting a little parasite I affectionately call Prune Candy (aka Baby Sheffy, aka "The Kid" aka "No, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl") and got insanely …