Mommy test #3: Big fat gestational fail.
I've been joking about it since last week. But, I mean, we joke about things we never really expect (or dare believe!) will happen to us, right? Like, "If I win a car..." or "When I win the lottery..." or "Since I probably have gestational diabetes..."
I mean, who HASN'T joked about all three of those things at one time or another, amiright?
Consider us monumentally lucky, because two of those things have happened to this little Sheffield family. Patrick did indeed win a Jeep about 2 years ago. But which of the other two might it be?
Well, Wilford Brimley, I'm going to follow your advice. I'm going to check my blood sugar, and check it often. I have gestational di-uh-bee-tus.
Are you sooooo jealous? You should be. After all, it was my "beetus" that allowed me the opportunity to take the second glucose tolerance test. And can I just say, it was everything I hoped and dreamed.
My test was Tuesday morning and I was all kinds of jazzed up about it. I woke up and--my favorite thing ever!--had no coffee or breakfast. I dolled myself up for my big day and showed up, ready to enjoy myself. And boy, did I.
Yesterday morning, my doctor's office called me to give me the results. Once again, I present a totally accurate, word-for-word transcript of my conversation with the nurse.*
Them: Hey-oooo! 'Sup girly? I know you were excited, so tell me: how did this one go?
Me: I can't even. It was so great. So, I got there and it was cold, just like I wanted.
Them: Did they have the classic rock playing? I asked them to.
Me: Noooo, they didn't! I was really upset about it at first. But they decided to play the big hits of the '80s for me, so I'll give 'em a pass. I was too happy to be there to stay mad for long anyway!
Them: Bummer, sorry!
Me: It's totes cool. So, anyway, they call me back and before I even drink the stuff, they draw my blood to get my fasting blood sugar. I didn't even know I'd get a bonus draw before the other three, so that was really awesome.
Them: Cool!
Me: Yeah. It was kind of painful and tender immediately and a really pretty purple and blue bruise started to bloom on my arm, also immediately. And then I drank the drink that tasted like someone tried to make sprite sweeter by adding piles of corn syrup. SO. GOOD. And then before the first hour had passed, my blood sugar got all out of whack and I became clammy and sweaty and was seeing spots everywhere. It was so trippy! It really kept things interesting.
Them: Awww, so glad to hear that.
Me: Yeah, basically, sitting in that waiting room for 3 hours and getting my blood drawn FOUR times was the best part of my day. I was so sad when it was over and I had to eat food.
Them: I totally understand. So, we have MORE GREAT AND EXCELLENT NEWS FOR YOU! You totally failed 3 of the 4 tests. The only test you passed was the first one, where they drew to test your fasting blood sugar. So, drumroll please...
Me: (nervous giggle) dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!
Them: You've got gestational diabetes!
Me: YES!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, thank you! I'm so happy!
Them: We knew you would be. So, you'll have to go see some diabetes people and they're going to tell you all about the delicious food you can't have and how often you're going to have to check your blood sugar.
Me: I'm in shock! I'm just so excited!
Them: Congrats, again!
Basically, the fun (or more accurately, the Fun) has only begun. I'm just really disappointed that I only have three months of restricted eating. If I'd known sooner, I could have really eliminated some tasty treats from my Thanksgiving plate! Such a bummer.
Blood sugar testing and complex-carbs-only living to you and yours!
xo
*I'm lying again.
P.S. A picture of my bruise the day after. With veins like mine, I'd make an awesome junkie. Also, with veins like mine, there's no excuse for bruises like this.
Tell me, anyone out there have that gestational beetus? Did you flip out? Were you totally cool? Did you manage to survive? (If not, and you comment, then wow. Kudos and accolades to you.)
I mean, who HASN'T joked about all three of those things at one time or another, amiright?
Consider us monumentally lucky, because two of those things have happened to this little Sheffield family. Patrick did indeed win a Jeep about 2 years ago. But which of the other two might it be?
 |
| Am I kickin' it sugar-free... |
 |
| ...or rolling in that acre peas kinda money? |
Are you sooooo jealous? You should be. After all, it was my "beetus" that allowed me the opportunity to take the second glucose tolerance test. And can I just say, it was everything I hoped and dreamed.
My test was Tuesday morning and I was all kinds of jazzed up about it. I woke up and--my favorite thing ever!--had no coffee or breakfast. I dolled myself up for my big day and showed up, ready to enjoy myself. And boy, did I.
Yesterday morning, my doctor's office called me to give me the results. Once again, I present a totally accurate, word-for-word transcript of my conversation with the nurse.*
Them: Hey-oooo! 'Sup girly? I know you were excited, so tell me: how did this one go?
Me: I can't even. It was so great. So, I got there and it was cold, just like I wanted.
Them: Did they have the classic rock playing? I asked them to.
Me: Noooo, they didn't! I was really upset about it at first. But they decided to play the big hits of the '80s for me, so I'll give 'em a pass. I was too happy to be there to stay mad for long anyway!
Them: Bummer, sorry!
Me: It's totes cool. So, anyway, they call me back and before I even drink the stuff, they draw my blood to get my fasting blood sugar. I didn't even know I'd get a bonus draw before the other three, so that was really awesome.
Them: Cool!
Me: Yeah. It was kind of painful and tender immediately and a really pretty purple and blue bruise started to bloom on my arm, also immediately. And then I drank the drink that tasted like someone tried to make sprite sweeter by adding piles of corn syrup. SO. GOOD. And then before the first hour had passed, my blood sugar got all out of whack and I became clammy and sweaty and was seeing spots everywhere. It was so trippy! It really kept things interesting.
Them: Awww, so glad to hear that.
Me: Yeah, basically, sitting in that waiting room for 3 hours and getting my blood drawn FOUR times was the best part of my day. I was so sad when it was over and I had to eat food.
Them: I totally understand. So, we have MORE GREAT AND EXCELLENT NEWS FOR YOU! You totally failed 3 of the 4 tests. The only test you passed was the first one, where they drew to test your fasting blood sugar. So, drumroll please...
Me: (nervous giggle) dun-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!
Them: You've got gestational diabetes!
Me: YES!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, thank you! I'm so happy!
Them: We knew you would be. So, you'll have to go see some diabetes people and they're going to tell you all about the delicious food you can't have and how often you're going to have to check your blood sugar.
Me: I'm in shock! I'm just so excited!
Them: Congrats, again!
Basically, the fun (or more accurately, the Fun) has only begun. I'm just really disappointed that I only have three months of restricted eating. If I'd known sooner, I could have really eliminated some tasty treats from my Thanksgiving plate! Such a bummer.
Blood sugar testing and complex-carbs-only living to you and yours!
xo
*I'm lying again.
P.S. A picture of my bruise the day after. With veins like mine, I'd make an awesome junkie. Also, with veins like mine, there's no excuse for bruises like this.
Tell me, anyone out there have that gestational beetus? Did you flip out? Were you totally cool? Did you manage to survive? (If not, and you comment, then wow. Kudos and accolades to you.)
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