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Year in Review -- 2016 Edition

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The spirit moved me and lo! I wrote a year-end recap!

Hey y'all. I figured since I abandoned you this year, I could at least give you a little rundown on what I got up to while I was off gallivanting without you.

March: Baby #2 arrived on the scene.
December: Christmas!

That's about all I remember. And sadly, I have basically no blogging history to help back up my pathetic excuse for a memory. Instead, I'll just show you how the year started and ended. 

From this...



To this...


























I can hardly stand it and barely believe it. And those second pictures pretty accurately describe our children. Zoe is happy (and happiest when trying to eat leaves) and Sutton is sassy and frankly, she is just not having any of it. And we love them both like crazy.

Now that this is done, we'll revert back to back-of-the-head pictures of my tiny nuggets, okay? Okay.

I hope your New Year's Eve is filled with just enough bubbly to make it fun, but not so much that you feel like crud the next day, and wi…

We're not doing Santa. (Please, no pity for the kids.)

On a scale of "Sorry, who are you again?" to "OMG IT'S YOU IT'S YOU CAN WE TAKE A PICTURE TOGETHER!?!?" I'd say the reception to my last post was about a "Oh, um, yes, sorry, I've forgotten your name, so embarrassing... But hello, how are you?"

Translation: you've been dying without me, haven't you? Aw, shucks, y'all!

But I did get three--count 'em, 3!--facebook comments on my last post (one of which was from my sister who loves me) and at least 10 likes, which I take as a sign from the universe that writing is my future. It will support our family because you want to know what I have to say. You really do. Gosh, you're embarrassing me! Stop it!  ...Oh, go on.

With that obvious sarcasm out of the way, I can now discuss something that will divide a nation worse than the most recent presidential election.

WHY WE AREN'T TELLING OUR KIDS SANTA IS REAL
Alternate title: HO, HO, NO!
But first the obligatory statement that, dude,…

My word. Where have I been?

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You spotted a new post and had two thoughts:

1) For realz?
2) NOICE. 

I know, right? You thought I'd given up on this thing. I thought so, too, actually. Not in a purposeful, final, "I'm done!" kind of way. More in a gradual, "I haven't felt compelled to write anything, maybe I'll let it drift in to nothingness" kind of way, but without all the emo feelings that the phrase "drift into nothingness" can evoke.

And then BOOM BABY! I stroll over here on a whim like, why not post something once every year? I can do it if I want.

My whims got swagga. That's why they "stroll on over here" instead of "decide to click on the link in my bookmarks and see when was the last time I wrote something on the blog." Also, fewer words.

Speaking of the last time I posted, let's have a quick little break-down of my blogging pursuits in 2016:

The last time I posted was in July. The last time I posted something good was in June. This post wi…

Focus. Determination. Truck.

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That one time I was in 11th grade and I was wearing an over-sized sweatshirt (with no logo, no pattern, just... a solid sweatshirt, probably gray), a low ponytail, and my heavy bangs, and I realized they were taking my picture so I was like, "Look studious!" 
And then they ask me a question and I panicked and came up with a very eloquent answer.
Immortalized in the pages of a yearbook. Lucky me.

To People Without Kids: a half-hearted apology.

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Dear People Without Kids:

Once upon a time--or 2 years, 2 months, and 29 days ago if you're into specifics--I was one of you. Well-rested and just sitting around, casually scrolling through my facebook feed, being constantly assaulted by posts about my friends' kids.

Okay, maybe not "assaulted," but there are a lot of pictures of kids. And comments about kids. And questions for "mommy friends" about "how do I know what color snot indicates I need to have an anxiety attack and immediately administer the essential oils and then race to the urgent care for BIG PHARMA meds just to be safe? Or maybe it's just seasonal allergies? idk."

I wasn't too bothered by it all. I mean, some of it makes you roll your eyes. Like, okay. I never wanted to know if your kid pooped on the potty. As a matter of fact, we're all supposed to not poop in our pants. So kudos to you on teaching your kid to do what WE ALL MUST DO. 

Mainly I just wondered, why can't …

Oh. Hey.

Oh, hey. Didn't see you there. Because I wasn't here until just now.

It's been a minute or two since I've hung out with you here, right? Oh? Five and a half months? I'm just going to awkwardly laugh and pretend that's nothing. Nothing!

Sooo, how's your mom 'n' 'em? How are you? Goooood, gooood. Glad to hear it.

Oh, me? Let's see, I'm doing pretty well. What's new since last we spoke?

Patrick and I have done a good bit of work on our house primarily funded by the sale of his Jeep. We've painted (translation: he's painted), gotten trees cut down and brush cleared, updated light fixtures, and some other small odds and ends. We used some of that Jeep money to buy a replacement car, too. We were highly productive during January and February until...

I had another baby in early March. Had I mentioned I was pregnant? Yeah, we flew in to the hospital on two wheels when, as it turns out, I was fully dilated and ready to go, pushed twice, a…

Imaginary summer.

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I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you already know this, but nevertheless: Wow, y'all! It's 2016!

New year. Fresh start. Endless possibilities and boundless optimism.

That's how the first week of the new year feels, right? Like, this year, IT'S MY YEAR. 

Although it makes no sense, that phrase. I do not own a year. A year is not mine. I share it with however many people are also alive on the planet during this year. 

Fine, sure. I know that people mean IT'S THE YEAR I'M FINALLY GOING TO GET MY (stuff) TOGETHER.

Okay, that I can get on board with. Let's all get our (stuff) together this year. And how will we do that?

Uhhhh...

I know: Let's just wing it, like always, and see if things magically work out for us a little better than every. other. year. Solid plan? Yes. 

Recap: first week of the year--feeling invincible! Weeks 2-52: back to normal.

Anyway.



For whatever reason, once the holidays are over and it's just cold (or it OUGHT to be cold), I sta…