We're not doing Santa. (Please, no pity for the kids.)

On a scale of "Sorry, who are you again?" to "OMG IT'S YOU IT'S YOU CAN WE TAKE A PICTURE TOGETHER!?!?" I'd say the reception to my last post was about a "Oh, um, yes, sorry, I've forgotten your name, so embarrassing... But hello, how are you?"

Translation: you've been dying without me, haven't you? Aw, shucks, y'all!

But I did get three--count 'em, 3!--facebook comments on my last post (one of which was from my sister who loves me) and at least 10 likes, which I take as a sign from the universe that writing is my future. It will support our family because you want to know what I have to say. You really do. Gosh, you're embarrassing me! Stop it!  ...Oh, go on.

With that obvious sarcasm out of the way, I can now discuss something that will divide a nation worse than the most recent presidential election.


Alternate title: HO, HO, NO!

But first the obligatory statement that, dude, I'm honestly not judging you for hopping on the Santa train. (Elf on the Shelf, that little punk, yeah: judgement. But not Santa.) I'm merely sharing what will work for us. Which will be less work for me. Which ALWAYS works for me.

Make sense? No? Great! Let's dive in.

Reason #1 we won't be telling our kids Santa is real. He isn't. 

And I hope you have a very merry Christmas!

What? Still here? I could elaborate if you like. But that runs the risk of alienating probably 75% of my readership, leaving me with my sister as the sole person willing to take pity on me and this "blogging endeavor" that I obviously work very hard at. Hey, Elizabeth!

If anyone is actually interested, we have extremely well thought-out reasons for not making the girls believe Santa is real. And by "extremely well thought-out" I mean we said, 

"I don't know. I don't think I want to 'do' Santa. You?"
"Yeah... I don't think so either."

It might be more in-depth than that. Okay, it IS more in-depth than that. But it's such a highly divisive topic and, frankly, I'm just hoping to get a couple of people to read this and leave comments like, "Hey. I read these words,"--flattering stuff like that--and I'm not trying to run you off.

SO INSTEAD, let me tell you what we'll be attempting to do so that you don't have to have your kids ostracize my kids for fear of them spilling the beans before you're ready.

At home, Santa isn't real. He's based on St. Nicholas, who gave gifts to the poor, so in the story Santa brings gifts, too. We give gifts to each other to remember the gifts the 3 Wise Men brought Jesus for his birthday, and to celebrate the gift that Jesus is to the world! But Santa is such a fun game to play that lots of kids play it! Adults play along too! They might ask you what Santa is bringing you. Since our friends pretend he's real and we don't want to ruin the game, when we're with friends, we'll pretend he's real, too! ISN'T THAT FUN?

Patrick and I feel smug and confident that this no-fail solution will keep Sutton's and, eventually, Zoe's friendships intact and ne'er a slip-o'-the-tongue shall occur. 

However, since Sutton doesn't seem at all interested in Santa, it seems this year isn't the year we get to put our smugness to the test. Maybe next year? And you, dear friends who are doing Santa, maybe don't completely cut our kids off? Just from November to January. The danger is low the rest of the year.

Now we just have to survive the next few weeks of watching the toddler stare blank-faced at people who, half-a-foot from her face, ask, "What's Santa bringing you?!" and do the awkward parent shuffle. "Oh, she doesn't get it yet... Not really doing that..."

(And why do we adults always get in their faces to ask about Santa? Is it a deeply primitive, biological thing to do? Because WE ALL DO IT. AND KIDS HATE IT.)

Happy holidaying to you and yours!,


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