Boring Can Be Fun

You spotted a new post and had two thoughts: 1) For realz? 2) NOICE.  I know, right? You thought I'd given up on this thing. I thought so, too, actually. Not in a purposeful, final, "I'm done!" kind of way. More in a gradual, "I haven't felt compelled to write anything, maybe I'll let it drift in to nothingness" kind of way, but without all the emo feelings that the phrase "drift into nothingness" can evoke. And then BOOM BABY! I stroll over here on a whim like, why not post something once every year? I can do it if I want. My whims got swagga. That's why they "stroll on over here" instead of "decide to click on the link in my bookmarks and see when was the last time I wrote something on the blog." Also, fewer words. Speaking of the last time I posted, let's have a quick little break-down of my blogging pursuits in 2016: The last time I posted was in July.  The last time I posted something good was...

You may (or not, whatever) recall that roughly (almost exactly) two years ago I found out I had the ol' G.D. Gestational DI-UH-BEETUS. Sugar is stupid anyway, so who wants it? (Meekly raises hand.) I do. I spun a tale about how much fun I had getting not one, but two glucose tolerance tests and how I was sosososoSO very excited to get gestational diabetes. If I may, and, excuse me, but I do sincerely hope you'll forgive me, and, please, please don't hold a grudge, but you probably didn't pick up on all the sarcasm in that post way back then.   You may have really thought I was, like, so stoked to get all in some finger-prickin', carb-countin' shenanigans. Well, I wasn't. It was a major pain in my over-pricked fingertips. So I essentially lied to you. And you probably shouldn't read any of my highly popular, critically acclaimed stuff anymore, because it's 90% sarcasm, 9% failed attempts at sarcasm, and 1% me being an actual, norma...

Yeah, you heard me. The Mayo Clinic's website spells it out nicely for us: De Quervain's tenosynovitis (dih-kwer-VAINS ten-oh-sine-oh-VIE-tis) is a painful condition affecting the tendons on the thumb side of your wrist. If you have de Quervain's tenosynovitis, it will probably hurt every time you turn your wrist, grasp anything or make a fist. Although the exact cause of de Quervain's tenosynovitis isn't known, any activity that relies on repetitive hand or wrist movement — such as working in the garden, playing golf or racket sports or lifting your baby — can make it worse. Well call this another Mommy Test Fail... what are we on, #6? I have suffered a physical injury as a direct result of being a baby-cuddler. I woke up one morning sometime in July with my left wrist, at the base of my thumb, hurting as if it had been badly bruised, but with no visible swelling or anything to indicate that Patrick secretly hit me with tiny hammers in my sleep. Afte...

A week or two ago, I saw an article that was basically a round-up of celebrity breastfeeding pictures. "It's so natural!" "You shouldn't be ashamed!" "It's a part of who I am now!" "Look how beautiful breastfeeding is!" Okay, those aren't direct quotes from the article or the celebs, but if I recall correctly (and I probably don't) that's the basic gist of what some of these lovely, famous, boob-bearing ladies wanted us to know: that breastfeeding is the thing to do. Then, a few days later, I saw a news segment on the local TV station about a woman who put together a flash mob to raise awareness of breastfeeding. I'm not sure what it is about a flash mobs that is supposed to make me think, "You know, the fact that they're suddenly and unexpectedly dancing in public makes me realize: breastfeeding is better than formula," but kudos to them for trying. If I may be serious for a moment (and I may,...

As you may have noticed (or more likely, haven't noticed) I've been a little M.I.A. lately. Why? Lemme tell you something I don't know if you've ever heard before: getting ready to have your first kid is distracting as h-e-double-hockey-sticks. I mean, nothing super crazy has been going on, but I'm too busy looking up "signs of impending labor," watching birth videos, and doing prenatal yoga to do things like write Boring blog posts and try to be funny or even just a little Fun. I've just realized that I've also been too busy to remember to put on deodorant this morning. Oops. A quick sniff test tells me I won't offend anyone today, so I'm going to say it's all good. Since I've last given you one of those exhilarating glimpses into my life, here's what's been going on. 1) Childbirth classes. With videos. Detailed videos. You also learn about lots of disgusting terms: mucous plug, bloody show, lightening crotch, rin...

There are two things that I am: Boring and a little Fun. There are several things I wish I were: totally cool and healthy and one of those people who are like, "Yum, farro and lentils is my favorite dish ever!" What is farro? According to NPR , it's an "ancient and complicated grain worth figuring out." Obviously, then, it's only for the cool, smart, healthy people who have time to figure out the deep, complicated psychosis of this noble grain. As it turns out, I'm not quite up to "farro-level cool" yet, since I don't have a degree in Psychology with a specialty in Understanding Complicated Grains. But I'm totally down with lentils. That scores some cool points for me, right? (Wrong. I know. Totally wrong.) Why do I tell you this? I'm not sure. I like pointless details. I assume you are totally interested in my feelings on lentils. Or maybe, I guess, because of the following tale of culinary triumph. The Night I Was Not D...

Friends and family, I have a few things that I'm really pleased with myself about, and I'm gonna brag. Why?   Because. I. Can. Saturday: We successfully completed our grocery shopping despite the stupid rain. WIN. Later that afternoon, I made Banana Coffee Cake and did NOT eat obscene quantities of it. WIN. We (and by "we" I mean "Patrick") made a really delicious dinner for 4. It was filling and super tasty. And the whole thing probably cost us $15 in ingredients. Saved money by not eating out. WIN. Sunday: I actually cooked and ate the kale I bought the day before. For breakfast. That's an obvious WIN. I didn't want to work out, but I did anyway. For a full hour. That's the first time that's happened since probably January 2013. WIN. Our friends invited us over for Shepherd's Pie. I did NOT greedily and gluttonously inhale seconds, even though I badly wanted to. Why? Because I wasn't hungry any more and potatoes a...

If the last day of the year isn't an appropriate time to look back over the year, then I don't know when is. Since you're just itching to know what my year looked like in a nutshell, I graciously decided to jot a few notes down for you. Consider it my (really lame) gift to you. Celebrated 1 year of marriage in January. (Un)Officially became marriage experts and decided we'll never encounter any difficulties after a solid year of marriage under the belt to prove that we definitely have it all figured out. Lost a family friend and a cousin. Took a trip cross-country to California in April. Sipped wine. Dipped my toes in the Pacific Ocean. Quickly removed toes from the Pacific Ocean. (That sucka is C-O-L-D.) Climbed mountains. Made friends with a local deer and a goat. Ate lots. Laughed lots. Babies were born, including my precious little Goddaughter, who likes me better than Uncle Patrick. Sometimes. My nephew turned 3 in May and my niece turned 8 in December! (Q...

How have things been the first chunk of my pregnancy?  Oh, just fine! No morning sickness. No nausea. Generally feeling great. Eventually something's going to happen, right? Well my "thing" is clearly the gestational diabetes. But not even really that. It's the FIVE HUNDRED MILLION THOUSAND DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS. Here's a letter I received (not really, just play along): Hey Becs, you gots ya some 'betis! So much for a smooth-sailing pregnancy! So here's what I'm going to need you to do. 1. Go to a meeting that lasts 3 hours to learn how Crystal Light is okay to drink, and Equal is fine, but stevia is not. And no one mentions how fiber in certain foods affects the body's absorption of carbs. "A carb is a carb." Then learn about how you get to prick your finger 4 fun-filled times a day to check your blood sugar. (See Wilford? I told you I would check my blood sugar, and check it often.) You're going to write down each bl...

I've been joking about it since last week. But, I mean, we joke about things we never really expect (or dare believe!) will happen to us, right? Like, "If I win a car..." or "When I win the lottery..." or "Since I probably have gestational diabetes..." I mean, who HASN'T joked about all three of those things at one time or another, amiright? Consider us monumentally lucky, because two of those things have happened to this little Sheffield family. Patrick did indeed win a Jeep about 2 years ago. But which of the other two might it be?  Am I kickin' it sugar-free... ...or rolling in that acre peas kinda money? Well, Wilford Brimley, I'm going to follow your advice. I'm going to check my blood sugar, and check it often. I have gestational di-uh-bee-tus. Are you sooooo jealous? You should be. After all, it was my "beetus" that allowed me the opportunity to take the second glucose tolerance test. And can I just s...