Stop with the positivity.
Call me a pessimist or a grouch, but I sure do hate encouraging phrases. You know the ones--they are supposed to cheer you up when you're down about stuff that happens to absolutely everyone. I know, I know... what works for one person doesn't have to work for everyone. I honestly acknowledge that. But that attitude makes for some boring blogging. Some people love these phrases, but I don't, and since this is my boring blog, I can say what I want. (I'm very petulant, aren't I?)
"Sometimes bad things fall apart so good things can come together."
This is big after breakups. I don't like it because it's not logical. Bad things fall apart because they're BAD. I think it goes against God's design for bad things to stay together. Oh, people try to make it work, make no mistake. (Denim on denim trend, I see you.) But there's no chance of a "good thing" coming together until you let go of the bad stuff. It's not why good things come together. It's when they can.
"Everything happens for a reason."
Really? Did I sneeze for some all-important Reason? Did I choose the blue polka-dots over the solid red for a Reason? Did I have that bottle of wine by myself for a Reason?! You said EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
No, it doesn't! Okay, it does, but not for the reason this expression might suggest. Not so some Mystical, Spiritual, Foggy, Shiny Thing can come happen. I'm not so dead inside as to say that I don't think there's a reason for anything. But I just don't think there's always some big Reason that I broke my leg. Maybe I just fell down. Maybe Mr. Boyfriend and I were incompatible, as much as I wanted to think otherwise. Lesson learned. Watch my steps and don't date guys like Mr. Ex-boyfriend. Moving on.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
Another breakup expression. Maybe he (most guys never use this, so I'm assuming it's a woman saying this one) was really a real jerk. If so, you're right. You can find better than him. Buuutttt, maybe your worst is really, really bad. "I deserve better than you because you wouldn't put up with my manic mood swings, inability to handle money, and my 5 misbehaved kids, who I refuse to discipline." Maybe you need to work on you. We're all works in progress, right?
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
Okay, so this is more aspirational than it is positive, but Ooooooo Eeemmmmmmm Geeeeeeeeeeeeee. If this were any cheesier, I'd need emergency quadruple bypass surgery. I can just imagine Patrick lying under the stars with me, listening to my heartbeat. Until someone's arm goes dead. And the ants are out, and the mosquitoes. And this is boring. Let's go inside. It's not a bad ideal to shoot for ladies, I just hate how dreamy it is. Can't we instead say, "Find a good partner. One who respects you and likes you. And loves you on top of that." It would be a much shorter expression, anyway.
In all seriousness, the reason I don't like most of these kinds of "Buck up, champ" expressions, though it's what makes them popular and likeable, is that they are too simple. "Oh well, everything happens for a reason." "I'm just waiting for the guy who wants to take me to an expensive dinner without caring if I'm in my six year old velour Jenny-from-the-block tracksuit." They don't encourage deeper self-reflection for those in situations that may require it. If you're drowning in the ocean, and you find a life preserver, that's great! But it doesn't really help a whole lot if there isn't also a boat with it you can climb in to. You're treading water, but you're still not going anywhere, and it doesn't help you figure out how you got there in the first place. (And why you still have a velour tracksuit.)
Okay, so you probably don't care what I think "in all seriousness," so back to the levity, and perhaps some reader participation!
Am I the only one who, in general, finds these kinds of phrases and expressions annoying? If you have one that makes you feel like an old curmudgeon when you catch yourself rolling your eyes, share it in the comments! And if no one comments, I might need to reevaluate my writing chops. It's been about 2 weeks. I should be going viral by now.
"Sometimes bad things fall apart so good things can come together."
This is big after breakups. I don't like it because it's not logical. Bad things fall apart because they're BAD. I think it goes against God's design for bad things to stay together. Oh, people try to make it work, make no mistake. (Denim on denim trend, I see you.) But there's no chance of a "good thing" coming together until you let go of the bad stuff. It's not why good things come together. It's when they can.
"Everything happens for a reason."
Really? Did I sneeze for some all-important Reason? Did I choose the blue polka-dots over the solid red for a Reason? Did I have that bottle of wine by myself for a Reason?! You said EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
No, it doesn't! Okay, it does, but not for the reason this expression might suggest. Not so some Mystical, Spiritual, Foggy, Shiny Thing can come happen. I'm not so dead inside as to say that I don't think there's a reason for anything. But I just don't think there's always some big Reason that I broke my leg. Maybe I just fell down. Maybe Mr. Boyfriend and I were incompatible, as much as I wanted to think otherwise. Lesson learned. Watch my steps and don't date guys like Mr. Ex-boyfriend. Moving on.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
Another breakup expression. Maybe he (most guys never use this, so I'm assuming it's a woman saying this one) was really a real jerk. If so, you're right. You can find better than him. Buuutttt, maybe your worst is really, really bad. "I deserve better than you because you wouldn't put up with my manic mood swings, inability to handle money, and my 5 misbehaved kids, who I refuse to discipline." Maybe you need to work on you. We're all works in progress, right?
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
Okay, so this is more aspirational than it is positive, but Ooooooo Eeemmmmmmm Geeeeeeeeeeeeee. If this were any cheesier, I'd need emergency quadruple bypass surgery. I can just imagine Patrick lying under the stars with me, listening to my heartbeat. Until someone's arm goes dead. And the ants are out, and the mosquitoes. And this is boring. Let's go inside. It's not a bad ideal to shoot for ladies, I just hate how dreamy it is. Can't we instead say, "Find a good partner. One who respects you and likes you. And loves you on top of that." It would be a much shorter expression, anyway.
In all seriousness, the reason I don't like most of these kinds of "Buck up, champ" expressions, though it's what makes them popular and likeable, is that they are too simple. "Oh well, everything happens for a reason." "I'm just waiting for the guy who wants to take me to an expensive dinner without caring if I'm in my six year old velour Jenny-from-the-block tracksuit." They don't encourage deeper self-reflection for those in situations that may require it. If you're drowning in the ocean, and you find a life preserver, that's great! But it doesn't really help a whole lot if there isn't also a boat with it you can climb in to. You're treading water, but you're still not going anywhere, and it doesn't help you figure out how you got there in the first place. (And why you still have a velour tracksuit.)
Okay, so you probably don't care what I think "in all seriousness," so back to the levity, and perhaps some reader participation!
Am I the only one who, in general, finds these kinds of phrases and expressions annoying? If you have one that makes you feel like an old curmudgeon when you catch yourself rolling your eyes, share it in the comments! And if no one comments, I might need to reevaluate my writing chops. It's been about 2 weeks. I should be going viral by now.
Love the blog. I'm with you on this. Truth be told the recipient of the useless pixie dust would probably much rather you pass the chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream than have to listen to nonsense chatter in their time of turmoil.
ReplyDeleteSigned,
Step one to viral aka Sandra Parker
Good luck