Top 5 reasons walking is bad for you.

Most work days, I walk on my lunch hour, sometimes with coworkers and sometimes alone.  We drive out to a little pond with a walking path around it. (The irony of driving somewhere to walk in circles is not lost on me.) One lap around it is approximately six-tenths of a mile, according to a sign posted out there. (For those who insist on reducing the fraction, that would be... carry the 2... divide by pi... cosine equals adjacent over hypotenuse... three-fifths of a mile. Or we can go with decimals: 0.6 miles. I think you get the idea.) I aim for about 2.5 miles per day.

As we all know, walking has numerous health benefits. To summarize, it's good for your body, good for your brain, and good for your mood.

Boy, do we feel great!

That's the A side of the record. But there's always a B side. Let's discuss...

The negative side effects of mid-day walking.

Striker knows what I'm talking about.

1.) Sweating. When you do any more than take a nice, slow stroll, you are (well, I am) going to sweat. This means not only looking like a hot mess when you come back to work, but it also means very awkward elevator rides. It's been statistically proven: if you look like a hot mess, the chance of being seen by others in the building goes up roughly 234%. Being seen by your boss, 412%.

2.) Re-dressing. After sweatin' it out, you have to put your work clothes back on. In order to do that, you either have to towel off or air dry. Since I never think to bring a towel, guess who spends an extra minute or two breathing it out with her door locked, paranoid that maybe it's not ACTUALLY locked and someone will burst in without knocking? Even if you've cooled down enough to get dressed straight away, you still feel gross for a long time after.

Mmm... potent.

3.) Stinking. I like to think of myself as a dainty little lady. But I can't deny that after 2-3 days of wearing the same clothes to power walk my little heart out, things start getting ripe. Since I never consider bringing fresh clothes each day, which would easily help this problem, hold your nose on the elevator up if you hop on with me, fellow work-building-dwellers.

4.) It can ruin a great hair day. And make a bad hair day worse. First off, you have to pull your hair up so the wind doesn't whip it into a rat's nest. But, ladies, you feel me on this, the ponytail bump is next to impossible to avoid. You spend the rest of your day self-consciously running your hands through your hair trying to get it to look as nice as it did when you left the house that morning. It never works. 

5.) Makeup meltdown. You have a dewy look that no one would call attractive and your eye makeup suddenly makes people think you resemble Taylor Momsen. Enough said.

What? Um, no, no--I meant to do this. It's, um, a new look I'm trying out.

There are a number of things I could do to help myself out with these problems. Bring a towel, some babywipes (for an in-office shower) and a fresh change of clothes every day. Keep a spare set of makeup at work, and a mini flatiron. I do none of these things, and sadly, nor am I likely to.

So, if you see me getting off the elevator with my tee-shirt stuck to my back and my hair in a sweaty ponytail, give me wide berth. It doesn't get better when you get closer.