Boring Can Be Fun

After recent forays into the interwebs to look up 1st birthday ideas, I've discovered you can, apparently, turn your child's 1st Birthday Party into "Wedding Reception Planning 2.0."  I need someone to hold me, 'cause it's scary. All the elements of the perfect wedding plan are there. You pick a theme, which includes the perfect color scheme. The invitations have to be special and unique (they alert your guests to the theme, after all). You come up with "whimsical" details to "inject some fun" into your party. Don't forget a goody bag for the guests! Oh, and how could I forget: the outfit! "It's your big day" so you need a customized outfit special for the day! And the food? It is to be exquisite. Treats, nibbles, tastes of delight! And the most ubiquitous detail of all: the burlap banner. It is to LOOK homemade, without actually being so. In reality, you spend $38 (plus shipping) for it on Etsy. Let's break this...

Valentines: they ain't for kids. Apparently they're for the kids' parents. This is according to my facebook feed, instagram, and various mommy blogs I've seen in the days leading up to the most over-hyped holiday of the year. Let me start with this: Valentine's Day has never been more than a tiny blip on my radar. It's one of those days where it's nice to say, "Let's not have leftovers for dinner," but that's about it. In college, I was dating a guy, and by "dating" I mean we met at Stetson's on the Moon (always a promising start) sometime within the month before Valentine's Day, and had talked on the phone and gone to dinner a few times. I was 19, he was 21. On Valentine's Day, I AIM'd him (do kids know what that is? It's a stone age technology that predates texting which was created by a company called AOL--you may have heard of them) just to say, "Hey, happy V-day." The response w...

Today I'm posting strictly to complain about something that bugs me. (Because complaining and being irritable are attractive qualities.) And it's this phrase, and all its variations: "I don't have time to be sick!" It's usually preceded by an outline of what specifically is wrong with the person uttering those eye-roll-inducing words. Sore throat? Headache? Gross bodily functions? Yes, that all stinks (some of it quite literally stinks ). But here's my gripe. When does anyone ever have time to be sick? NEVER. Have you ever been kicking it, enjoying a relatively stress-free period of zen-like calm and thought to yourself, "Now would be a great time to be sick. I have loads of time." NOPE. Have you ever been on vacation and thought, "Ah, if I had to be sick, I have lots of time to do it right now! I'm taking it easy anyway!" NOPE. Have you ever thought to yourself that life is so hectic that you'd almost welcome a cold...

You know how it is. You wake up and you are mad--I mean MAD --at someone because they did something to you in a dream. Sometime last week, I woke up with my jaw clenched because I was so angry at Patrick. Why? Because dream Patrick had hidden CHEESE IN HIS SOCK DRAWER! How dare he?! How dare he hide a gigantic block of cheese and the box grater in his sock drawer?! He lied about it, too. "No, nothing in there!" Ha. I go digging and, ho ho! What do you know? A gigantic block of cheese! And the box grater, to boot!  Of all the low down things for a man to do to his woman... Oh, and who helped him hide it? Kevin, from The Office . Of course. The night before that, I dreamed that Stacy Keibler, of all people, was letting me in on her fitness secrets. She had this very particular shake that she drank each morning. It was something fruity. Alas, she was just about to give me the secret recipe when I woke up. If I put on weight in the coming weeks, you know why. St...

I saw a post online in which a parent asked the other parents how much they pay their kids to handle chores. Was fifty cents too much (or not enough) to pay her kids for unloading the dishwasher, she wanted to know. First off, emptying the dishwasher is as terrible as folding clothes, so you'd have to pay at LEAST a buck-fiddy. Second, I'm glad my child isn't old enough yet that we have to grapple with the age-old quandry: to give an allowance or not to give an allowance. But third, I couldn't help but think back to when I was a kid. Once Elizabeth and I were old enough to stay home alone during the summers, our mother insisted, and rightly so, that we handle certain chores. Alas, we weren't as proactive as she would have liked. Now, Elizabeth must get credit where it's due. She was never lazy like me. I was 5 still trying to get my mom to dress me while she, at 2, was trying to button her own buttons. We were told to clean the whole bathroom. I'd ma...

"Your words are your wishes. But your actions show your real priorities." While I cannot take credit for those words of brilliance, I am happy to take full credit for realizing how profound they are. (Winky-face-blushing emoticon would go here to show you I'm being cheeky and humble-bragging at the same time.) I read those words (or a variation of those words--I didn't look it up for the sake of, you know, accuracy ) in an advice column last month (Carolyn Hax at Washington Post) and they have stuck with me. It was in context of a woman exasperated that her sister said she wanted to get married and have kids, but let her ex-boyfriend continue to live with her because he helped with home maintenance and, uh, other stuff. I think the phrase "handy man with benefits" was used. The columnist said, in effect, to get over it. Her sister may wish for a husband and kids, but clearly they aren't a top priority. If they were,  she'd kick out the ex and s...

Hello, you fine people. 'Tis the last day of 2014. As such, 'tis the season to reflect on the year gone by and to firmly resolve to "do better," whatever that means, in the year ahead. And that's what I was going to write about. Instead, I'm sitting here balancing the family budget and checkbook and wondering, "Where in Franks Balls did all of our money go?" You see, we had two pretty big events this year. Had a baby. Bought a house. (Remember I said we hoped to buy the house we moved into some months back? Well, it's been bought. Yippee!) I'm incredibly grateful for both of these things. Is it bad to call my baby a thing? Well, you know what I mean. I was reminded in church the other day that you can't have the joy and love of a family without also having the responsibility of one. Similarly, I now fully realize, you can't have the joy and love of a house of your own without also having property taxes, homeowners insuran...