The ubiquitous burlap banner.

After recent forays into the interwebs to look up 1st birthday ideas, I've discovered you can, apparently, turn your child's 1st Birthday Party into "Wedding Reception Planning 2.0." 

I need someone to hold me, 'cause it's scary.

All the elements of the perfect wedding plan are there. You pick a theme, which includes the perfect color scheme. The invitations have to be special and unique (they alert your guests to the theme, after all). You come up with "whimsical" details to "inject some fun" into your party. Don't forget a goody bag for the guests! Oh, and how could I forget: the outfit! "It's your big day" so you need a customized outfit special for the day! And the food? It is to be exquisite. Treats, nibbles, tastes of delight! And the most ubiquitous detail of all: the burlap banner. It is to LOOK homemade, without actually being so. In reality, you spend $38 (plus shipping) for it on Etsy.

Let's break this down.

The Theme

Okay, I get it. I've had a theme idea for Sutton's birthday party since she was brand new. Sutton Button --> Button Bash. Done. But let's all remember that the most basic theme of any birthday party is actually "Birthday Party." Or, alternately, "Balloons."

The Color Scheme

I get this one too. You don't want to look like Party City had a kegger and threw up all over your house. You want it to look like a sane person put it together. But how many elements do you seriously need to coordinate? A table cloth (maybe), napkins, cups, forks. Add a few balloons and you could call it day, right? And seriously, who has ever refused to eat the cake because "it's all clashy with the cookies." NO ONE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF SANITY.

"Whimsical Details"

You know what's whimsical? Letting kids roll around your floor without chasing behind them with a dust pan and vacuum. I don't need $20 metallic paper straws or that perfect little garland to drape across the doorway. 

Do cool decorations make it more fun for the kids? Arguably, yes. Will a distinct lack of crepe paper banners result in The Death Of Fun? No. Besides, I'm already planning to tie balloons to a chair. If that doesn't say "It's a party!" plainly enough, then nothing else will and it's all wasted effort anyway.

Goody Bags for Guests

Okay, this one blows my mind.  In our Participation Trophy society we all now expect to get a consolation prize. "Sorry, Jimmy, I know it isn't your birthday yet, but don't pout! Here! Here's a kazoo and a pack of cards and a cool whistle and a bunch of candy..."

As if kids don't already have too much crap.

What about the gift of hospitality? You've been invited to a celebration. As such, you get to BE AT A PARTY. EAT CAKE. ICE CREAM. HAVE PLAY TIME WITH FRIENDS. But this is no longer enough, I guess. We want to make our guests feel as special as everyone else (which is to say, no one is anymore).

Make the insanity stop. I can't get over this one. 

The Outfit

My own sister is asking me if I have already ordered my custom monogrammed shirt with a big applique button and a "1" with her name on it.

Ummm, not yet?

The Food

Order the cake from a professional. Spend I'm-too-scared-to-ask-for-quotes amount of money on it. Get other (color-coordinated) treats. Finger foods, too. What about people who avoid sugar? Better get a fruit and veggie tray. And maybe you'd better get some savory treats as well. And don't skimp, because we need a full meal of sugar and icing and finger foods at 2pm, right?

And, my very favorite...

The Burlap Banner

If someone could do me a solid and forward to me the rule that requires burlap banners at parties, I'd be so grateful. I'd just like to have it for my records. I'm specifically interested in why it must be burlap. Because there is a rule, right? Yes, there must be.




Okay, okay, once again I feel the need to acknowledge that there are among the moms and the dads out there in ParentLand those who truly delight in creating decorations and finding those little touches that show how much thought was put into the party. And, as always, I'm honestly impressed and appreciate the efforts you make. I mean it.

I even like your burlap banners. They're cute.

Would I rather eat cake off of a perfect little colored glass plate that coordinates with the chosen color of the text of the burlap banner than eat it off of white styrofoam with those cheap plastic forks that are GOING TO BREAK OFF IN YOUR FOOD? Of course.

Would I rather look at a craftily decorated room teeming with "whimsy" than hang out on a metal folding chair at an uncovered white folding table? Definitely.

Would I prefer it if I had the time, money, or crafty know-how to create a Pinterest-worthy party for Sutton? Yes! (Of course, in my case, the decorations would be for me--so you can tell me how beautifully I decorated!)

It's all great. It's all cute. It's all special. And it's a lot of friggin' work. By now I assume you're acquainted with my feelings on making more work for myself than is necessary.

The biggest question I had while looking at all of this stuff online was, What happened to, "Happy birthday! Here's a sheet cake. And some ice cream. Now go play."??

I'm not sure what happened to it, but I'm bringing it back, baby. Sutton's Button Bash is going to be low on decoration, low on varieties of food, and high on "Awww, she's so cute; I can't believe she's 1!" and fun play time.

If you happen to score a cute, customized burlap banner for me, though, I'll totally hang it up.

Lazy parties and a big ol' sheet cake to you and yours,
xo