Don't steal my crown, Patrick.

The year before last I started Christmas shopping in August.

Last year I started in July.

This year, I looked at the calendar and realized, "ohemgee, it's nearly October and I haven't purchased the first Christmas gift yet!"

I don't know what my deal has been but I just haven't wanted to shop lately.

Since finding out I'm spawning, my interest in Marshall's has plummeted. And that makes me sad, 'cause me and Marshall's? We're like that. My interest in shopping altogether--pppbbbbtttt. Nuthin. Spending money on anything that isn't food or bills has become a struggle. And it makes no sense to me whatsoever.

What was worrying me more than my lack of desire to buy designer shoes at discount prices, though, was my lack of interest in really getting cranking on my Christmas shopping.

I love Christmas. Love. LOVE. Lurve. And I love getting a jump on the shopping so that I'm not scrambling around last minute like a chicken with its head cut off. That's just unnecessary stress, and I don't like stress. Or acting like a freshly decapitated chicken whose nerves are freaking out before ceasing to function.

So there I was, the end of September, glumly wondering why I hadn't been able to get my act together and get started on shopping for the most wonderful time of the year, and yet not doing anything about it.

Then, last weekend, something happened that snapped me out of my funk.

I hear you asking, "Gosh?! What could it be? This is such a serious problem you're facing! I'm on the edge of my seat!"

I know, I know. Rest easy. I'm about to shock you, before putting your mind at ease.

First, the shock:
What snapped me out of it? Patrick tried to steal my crown. My thunder. My glory.

Yep, I just heard you gasp in horror! "What vile thing did he do to attempt this?" I'll tell you what that sneaky little so-and-so did. Patrick got online, did a little research, and purchased a Christmas gift BEFORE I HAD PURCHASED ANY GIFTS.

Are you horrified on my behalf? No? Then allow me to explain that he NEVER NEVER EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD (or in the history of the years I've known him) started shopping months ahead of Christmas.

Never.

Ever.

I was all like, "Wait, what? Did you just order that?" And he was all like, "Yeah." (We have Fun conversations.)

Something primal, some animal within me (not a headless chicken, though) that had been hibernating, roared to life.

"He's not the early shopper! I am! Why is he trying to start shopping before me? How dare he?! Who does he think he is--ME?! I'm 'The One Who Shops Early,' not him!"

Now to put your mind at ease:
With Patrick's click of the mouse and cocky (yeah, he seemed pretty cocky to me) pronouncement of "yeah," it was like the starter pistol had been fired and I was off running. I researched sales. I looked up coupon codes. I emailed my mom and sister for ideas for themselves and their housemates (my dad and niece, respectively). I started popping ideas into the running list I keep each year of who I need to buy for, what they may like, and what I've actually purchased (and how much spent).

It's something I enjoy doing. Don't judge me.

And then, with these ideas and this research, I began to order fabulous gifts! 30% off this month! 40% off this day only! Add to cart! Add to cart! No, remove from cart--this is getting to pricey! Enter free shipping code! And BUY!

With the click of the button to confirm my order, it was like I threw the roaring beast a hunk of filet mignon and it began to purr contently in the corner recesses of my mind.

No, I'm not close to done yet but now that I've started, I'll have an easier time finishing on time, that is to say, as soon as possible. And the best part is that I managed to squeak by doing this on September 30. Next year I won't face the shame, the humiliation, nay!--the horror!, of having to say I didn't start shopping until October.

That would be pretty embarrassing, amiright?

Yeah, I thought everyone would agree with me on that one.

So anyway, Happy October and pumpkin spiced whatevers and early shopping and Halloween and All Hallows Eve and the Deathly Hallows and the One Ring to Rule Them All!

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