Go shawty. It's my birthday.

But with all due respect to Mr. Cent, I will not sip Bacardi like it's my birthday. Yuck. I don't even like Bacardi.

What I would like to sip is a nice, cold Chardonnay. Or a Vodka Tonic (with lime). What I will sip is a glass of chilled water with lemon in it. That's going to be the kind of Boring Fun that this blogging empire of mine was founded on.

I'm 31 today. And I'm having a much easier time of it than when I turned 30. I didn't actually get all, "I'm crying in the corner of a darkened room, so please leave a message at the beep and I'll call you next week," when I turned 30, but I also didn't embrace it as, "Finally, out of my 20's and this is the decade I'll love the most, according to some article I read once!"

Mostly I was just, "Ew. 30. Not 29. Not 28. Not twenty-anything. T-H-I-R-T-Y."

The point is, I've accepted that my youth is behind me and I'll now enter a swift decline, so this birthday isn't quite the shock that my last birthday was.

You are likely DYING to ask: "Sooooo, Rebecca, whacha gonna do for your birthday?"

My husband said I can pick a dining establishment--any one that I want! (unless it's too expensive--end of the month and the budget gets tight, ya know)--and he shall take me there and have me fed. Naturally, being very fancy and health-conscious at all times, I decided on Momo's Pizza. If you have the opportunity to eat a slice as big as your head, you should take it!


Isn't it beautiful?
Then you want to know: "Fun! Anything else you're going to do?"


It's Tuesday, so not much. We'll probably follow pizza with dessert or a pile of fun-sized candy that my coworker so kindly got me for the anniversary of my trip around the sun.



Now you're getting kind of nosey, but I'll still allow this: "So, then, what did you get for your birthday?"

I love philosophy products, and Patrick bought me some of my favorites that are just pricey enough that I don't usually get them for myself. I told him this morning when I opened them up that I genuinely look forward to using them tonight. I may be getting older, but I intend to look younger as soon as tomorrow.

"What else did you get?"

Alright now, Mr. or Ms. Busybody. You're asking too many questions. But because it's my birthday, I'm feeling pretty generous and I'll answer. Besides candy and my beloved skin products, I haven't gotten anything else yet. I'll see my family this weekend and I'm pretty sure they have a car or a winning lotto ticket they want to give me.

Oh yeah, Patrick did get me something else. Impregnated.






Hi folks. This is a picture of me from last month. Good news: I've lost that little tail you can kind of see on the right. Bad news: I probably still look like an alien.

 


But I'll have to wait until March to open that package. Now you know why I will not sip on Bacardi (or wine or V&T) like it's my birthday. Fiddy failed to factor pregnancy into the lyrical poetry of his jams.

Comments

Post a Comment

Say something clever or complimentary. Bonus points for both at the same time!

Popular posts from this blog

Now that's my mama's style.

Image
Once upon a time, about 4 or so years ago, my 4-year old niece was helping me browse in Marshall's. She pointed to a shirt, told me it was cute, and I asked if she thought her mom, my sister, would like it. "Umm, it's cute, but it's not my mama's style." Ever since then, anything that I don't quite like "is not my mama's style." I tell you that to tell you this. For a while I have been ready to get rid of our living room furniture. I'm incredibly grateful to have it, as it was given to us in good condition for the low, low cost of FREE. Me likey the free stuff. However, "it's not my mama's style" and Patrick and I agreed we'd like to eventually have furniture because we like it and not just because it was $0.00. Well, big news on that front. Hold the phone, hit pause on your walkman (oh, you have a discman? Pardon me!), and listen to this:   We bought a couch! Oh, silly you. You thought I was going to s
Read more

Have you seen a gorilla make love, Bruno?

Image
One day last week, as I was leaving work, Bruno Mars' song "Gorilla" came on the radio. This song is super popular and catchy. And super raunchy. Talking about legs in the sky and making love like gorillas and stuff. So inapprop. Before last week, I just thought of it as such--a raunchy, albeit catchy, song. Since two Saturdays ago, however, I can only think of one thing: actual gorillas doing it. Everyone has told me lately to enjoy sleeping in while I can. So, naturally, I wake up before 7:00 on Saturdays--my one day to sleep in--so that Lizzie can have breakfast and the pleasure of my company. She insists, and I cave. (Perhaps I'll be a bad parent. "You want Oreos and Kool-Aid for breakfast? Okay. If you insist.") Anyway. I'm going to tell you something I'm positive you don't need to be told at all. There isn't much to watch on the major networks at 7am on a Saturday. After flipping through the channels repeatedly that morning, I fin
Read more

Love and marriage.

Image
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the biggest party Patrick and I have ever thrown. Also, the day we got married. Also, the day I ugly-cried in front of roughly 180 people. For some of you seasoned vets, the idea of just two years of marriage makes you say, "Aww, how sweet, still newly weds. They have no idea..." I'd like to respectfully pooh-pooh the idea that we're naive just because we're still so newly wed. Because how could we be but otherwise? Until the future arrives, knocks on our door, and politely introduces itself, we're all naive as to what's in store for us. I'm sure bad times will come for us, as they inevitably do, but I count myself blessed that we'll have several solid years of happiness under our belts to help buoy us through whatever storms come our way. So, no, we don't have any idea what we're in for. But one idea I'm very, very clear about? My old (young) man is my number 1 favorite thing on this planet.
Read more