Case study: Girls' night.
Back in the dark ages Early Aughts when I was in my early 20's, Girls' Night was such a thing to aspire to.
I went back in time and contacted myself from about a decade or so ago to see if I could get an insider's perspective on what a Girls' Night is all about.
Me from 2003, take it away:
Hi! I'm awkward, extra-skinny, big bangs 21-year-old Rebecca! I look 16, which sucks, because no one takes me seriously. The big bangs, total inability to dress myself well, and general awkward demeanor may have something to do with that.
Old-As-Dirt-and-What-Happened-to-My-Boobs-Did-I-Have-Surgery-Rebecca asked me to talk to you about girls' night out. (Yes, even at 21, I want to use the proper apostrophe.)
Well let me tell you, I want to feel like and be perceived as the grown-up that I am! (Because, I definitely am a grown-up. Right? If you call yourself a grown-up, you probably are just that. Because 40 year olds often say, "Hey, I'm a grown-up, and that's why I can buy liquor without feeling nervous that the clerk thinks I might be working for the cops in an effort to bust people who don't check IDs or whatever." So yes, I'm a grown-up.)
1. Dress up really sophisticated and sexy. Maybe go to Goody's to find a discount dress with itchy, shiny thread in the fabric. Uncomfortable high-heeled shoes that rub blisters (because they're cheap shoes and you don't usually wear heels) is a nice added bonus. It really helps the look.
2. Fix your hair real nice. Maybe do something besides put it in a pony tail. Make sure your bangs-game is on point.
3. Makeup. Wear all of it. At once.
4. Plan to go somewhere nice for dinner. Not Bennigan's. Maybe On the Border?
5. After dinner, go somewhere for fancy drinks. Not Stetson's. Maybe Cafe Cabernet? Is there somewhere even fancier than that? If so, go there.
6. Buy the fancy drinks and laugh uproariously with your friends. Pretend you're Sex and the City. But which one are you? You're not really any of them, but I guess the closest is Charlotte. If they had a show called, "Making Out and the City" then you'd probably have a better shot at being one of those characters. But they don't. So we'll just stick with Charlotte for now.
7. Ooze confidence. Confident people usually get drunk by having 3 pink mixed drinks. So do that. Confident people also don't mind that their friends are being checked out by the fellas while they themselves magically fly under the radar. Really... they don't mind.
8. Stay up late. Because you have class tomorrow that you need to skip.
9. Generally be young and fabulous while looking mature and sophisticated.
I think that's all I have, Old-And-Decrepit-Rebecca! Back to you and your oldness!
Wow, thanks, Stupid-21-Year-Old-Rebecca, for that insight.
Things sure have changed since then. For example, if I may say so myself, I'm a million times better looking, even with my old face wrinkles. I think I finally grew into my teeth or something. (And yes, Young Me, we have surgery. That may have helped us out, shallow as it is. Can't undo it now! Well, I could, but... $$$$ and saggy empty sock boobs=never mind. I'll keep 'em.)
Recently I had a couple of girls' nights when my old man (Hey, Young Me, we marry that kid Patrick that your little sister Elizabeth brings around. Yes... I'm serious. Quit laughing, I know he's still underage. He won't always be.) took off to Nashville for no other purpose than to HAVE FUN while I stayed home with the baby.
I could go off on a tangent about how men should never vacation without their wives and have fun unless the wife is also there having fun. I could, but I won't. Because one day I'm going be like, "SEE YA IN 5 DAYS SEND PICTURES DON'T CALL UNLESS YOU HAD TO CALL 911 FIRST MOMMY'S OUTTA HERE (ps love you and stuff bye)!"
So what if 48 hours later I'm on the road back home because I miss everyone too much? That's irrelevant and makes my triumphant exit seem, well, less-so.
N-E-wayz. Patrick took off for Nashville, leaving me at home, pregnant, to take care of the child and the cat for two nights. I don't know what Baby #2 is (well, it's a baby, duh, but I don't know if it's a boy or girl) but I know for sure that myself, my child, and my cat are all girls. That meant one, obvious thing.
HEEEYYYY GIRLS' NIGHTS! PARTY ALL AFTERNOON AND INTO THE EARLY EVENING LONG!
I know, you are wondering if I overdid it by trying to have two girls' nights in a row. The answer is, nearly! But I hung in there like a champ!
We have already seen how I used to do girls' night. Here's how I do it now:
1. Dress in something comfortable and minimally stained. Shoes optional.
2. You're hair was fixed nicely all day because you have a job. It's time to relax with a ponytail and hair band to keep your swoopy bangs out of your face!
3. Makeup? I'm going to go ahead and wash that off early. Before dinner.
4. Plan to go absolutely no where. Not the store. Not a restaurant (good heavens, NO). Not even your mailbox. STAY INDOORS.
5. Plan something excellent for dinner. This is girls' night, after all, so let's do it up. How about... umm... crap... What's easy? Well, we can fry an egg, cut some avocado... oh look! Sweet potatoes! I'll do some oven baked sweet potato home fries! Aaaannnnddd... Found some peas in the freezer! A few slices of cheddar and I think we're set. Oh, and the cat gets cat food. Sorry, Lizzie.
6. Have drinks! The non-human will have the water. The small human will have some tasty whole milk. The adult human will have WINE. Wait, she's pregnant. She'll have water.
7. Ooze confidence. "Sutton, I said don't throw your peas on the floor." Make her know you mean it when you say it. (Later, pick up all the peas she threw on the floor anyway.)
8. Go to bed early. I mean, my gosh. You cooked dinner, bathed the child, put her to bed. THEN you had to clean up the kitchen, pick up all the peas, get lunches ready for tomorrow. Oh, and you started a load of laundry earlier and you need to hang that up to dry. Get the coffee pot ready because you're going to have a busy morning getting yourself and the little one ready WITH NO HELP FROM THE ABSENT HUSBAND. Clean up a little. Man that toilet is stank--give it a cleaning too. Might as well clean the sink while we're at it. Deduce what time you need to get up tomorrow and... yeah, let's just go ahead and turn in now.
9. Generally be young(ish) and fabulous while lookingmature matronly and unsophisticated.
As you see, it's basically the same now as it was when I was a decade younger. Only this time I spent less money, was far less hungover, was much more comfortable in my elastic waist PJs. And no, I didn't make out with anyone, but I did get some pretty slobbery kisses from my child. So that wasn't too bad.
I checked back in with Stupid-Young-Rebecca to get her reaction to my Old-Rebecca girls' night. Here's what she had to say:
:stares at me like she can't believe this is going to be her life. looks slightly disgusted. also looks slightly envious:
Ah, the folly and ignorance of youth. She fails to understand how this girls' night beats the old ones HANDS FLIPPIN' DOWN. But I have the advantage of hindsight. As much as Young Me wanted to be the outgoing fun girl, I know that she vastly preferred hanging out at home in her PJs. So, my advice to Stupid-Big-Bangs-Rebecca is this: Hey, don't worry about it. You have a lot of fun and a lot of stupid ahead of you. It'll take all that to get you to the place that I now am: CONFIDENT THAT I LOVE BEING AT HOME IN PJS AND MAKING NO APOLOGIES FOR IT.
"Sorry, friends. Can't tonight. I have to wash my hair and be in bed by 9:00. But I'll see you on facebook!"
Cats, toddlers, and no booze for Girls' Night to you and yours,
xo
I went back in time and contacted myself from about a decade or so ago to see if I could get an insider's perspective on what a Girls' Night is all about.
Me from 2003, take it away:
Hi! I'm awkward, extra-skinny, big bangs 21-year-old Rebecca! I look 16, which sucks, because no one takes me seriously. The big bangs, total inability to dress myself well, and general awkward demeanor may have something to do with that.
Old-As-Dirt-and-What-Happened-to-My-Boobs-Did-I-Have-Surgery-Rebecca asked me to talk to you about girls' night out. (Yes, even at 21, I want to use the proper apostrophe.)
Well let me tell you, I want to feel like and be perceived as the grown-up that I am! (Because, I definitely am a grown-up. Right? If you call yourself a grown-up, you probably are just that. Because 40 year olds often say, "Hey, I'm a grown-up, and that's why I can buy liquor without feeling nervous that the clerk thinks I might be working for the cops in an effort to bust people who don't check IDs or whatever." So yes, I'm a grown-up.)
In order to achieve VISUAL grown-up status to match my ACTUAL grown-up status, my girls and I are going to plan a girls' night! Girls' nights are SUPER grown-up and fancy. And here's what you do on girls' night:
1. Dress up really sophisticated and sexy. Maybe go to Goody's to find a discount dress with itchy, shiny thread in the fabric. Uncomfortable high-heeled shoes that rub blisters (because they're cheap shoes and you don't usually wear heels) is a nice added bonus. It really helps the look.
2. Fix your hair real nice. Maybe do something besides put it in a pony tail. Make sure your bangs-game is on point.
3. Makeup. Wear all of it. At once.
4. Plan to go somewhere nice for dinner. Not Bennigan's. Maybe On the Border?
5. After dinner, go somewhere for fancy drinks. Not Stetson's. Maybe Cafe Cabernet? Is there somewhere even fancier than that? If so, go there.
 |
| ID? Check. Fancy shoes? Check. Bangs on point? Double-check. |
6. Buy the fancy drinks and laugh uproariously with your friends. Pretend you're Sex and the City. But which one are you? You're not really any of them, but I guess the closest is Charlotte. If they had a show called, "Making Out and the City" then you'd probably have a better shot at being one of those characters. But they don't. So we'll just stick with Charlotte for now.
7. Ooze confidence. Confident people usually get drunk by having 3 pink mixed drinks. So do that. Confident people also don't mind that their friends are being checked out by the fellas while they themselves magically fly under the radar. Really... they don't mind.
8. Stay up late. Because you have class tomorrow that you need to skip.
9. Generally be young and fabulous while looking mature and sophisticated.
I think that's all I have, Old-And-Decrepit-Rebecca! Back to you and your oldness!
Wow, thanks, Stupid-21-Year-Old-Rebecca, for that insight.
Things sure have changed since then. For example, if I may say so myself, I'm a million times better looking, even with my old face wrinkles. I think I finally grew into my teeth or something. (And yes, Young Me, we have surgery. That may have helped us out, shallow as it is. Can't undo it now! Well, I could, but... $$$$ and saggy empty sock boobs=never mind. I'll keep 'em.)
Recently I had a couple of girls' nights when my old man (Hey, Young Me, we marry that kid Patrick that your little sister Elizabeth brings around. Yes... I'm serious. Quit laughing, I know he's still underage. He won't always be.) took off to Nashville for no other purpose than to HAVE FUN while I stayed home with the baby.
I could go off on a tangent about how men should never vacation without their wives and have fun unless the wife is also there having fun. I could, but I won't. Because one day I'm going be like, "SEE YA IN 5 DAYS SEND PICTURES DON'T CALL UNLESS YOU HAD TO CALL 911 FIRST MOMMY'S OUTTA HERE (ps love you and stuff bye)!"
So what if 48 hours later I'm on the road back home because I miss everyone too much? That's irrelevant and makes my triumphant exit seem, well, less-so.
N-E-wayz. Patrick took off for Nashville, leaving me at home, pregnant, to take care of the child and the cat for two nights. I don't know what Baby #2 is (well, it's a baby, duh, but I don't know if it's a boy or girl) but I know for sure that myself, my child, and my cat are all girls. That meant one, obvious thing.
HEEEYYYY GIRLS' NIGHTS! PARTY ALL AFTERNOON AND INTO THE EARLY EVENING LONG!
I know, you are wondering if I overdid it by trying to have two girls' nights in a row. The answer is, nearly! But I hung in there like a champ!
We have already seen how I used to do girls' night. Here's how I do it now:
1. Dress in something comfortable and minimally stained. Shoes optional.
2. You're hair was fixed nicely all day because you have a job. It's time to relax with a ponytail and hair band to keep your swoopy bangs out of your face!
3. Makeup? I'm going to go ahead and wash that off early. Before dinner.
 |
| "Sorry Snookums! It's Girls' Night! You can't go play in the sunshine." |
5. Plan something excellent for dinner. This is girls' night, after all, so let's do it up. How about... umm... crap... What's easy? Well, we can fry an egg, cut some avocado... oh look! Sweet potatoes! I'll do some oven baked sweet potato home fries! Aaaannnnddd... Found some peas in the freezer! A few slices of cheddar and I think we're set. Oh, and the cat gets cat food. Sorry, Lizzie.
6. Have drinks! The non-human will have the water. The small human will have some tasty whole milk. The adult human will have WINE. Wait, she's pregnant. She'll have water.
7. Ooze confidence. "Sutton, I said don't throw your peas on the floor." Make her know you mean it when you say it. (Later, pick up all the peas she threw on the floor anyway.)
8. Go to bed early. I mean, my gosh. You cooked dinner, bathed the child, put her to bed. THEN you had to clean up the kitchen, pick up all the peas, get lunches ready for tomorrow. Oh, and you started a load of laundry earlier and you need to hang that up to dry. Get the coffee pot ready because you're going to have a busy morning getting yourself and the little one ready WITH NO HELP FROM THE ABSENT HUSBAND. Clean up a little. Man that toilet is stank--give it a cleaning too. Might as well clean the sink while we're at it. Deduce what time you need to get up tomorrow and... yeah, let's just go ahead and turn in now.
9. Generally be young(ish) and fabulous while looking
As you see, it's basically the same now as it was when I was a decade younger. Only this time I spent less money, was far less hungover, was much more comfortable in my elastic waist PJs. And no, I didn't make out with anyone, but I did get some pretty slobbery kisses from my child. So that wasn't too bad.
I checked back in with Stupid-Young-Rebecca to get her reaction to my Old-Rebecca girls' night. Here's what she had to say:
:stares at me like she can't believe this is going to be her life. looks slightly disgusted. also looks slightly envious:
Ah, the folly and ignorance of youth. She fails to understand how this girls' night beats the old ones HANDS FLIPPIN' DOWN. But I have the advantage of hindsight. As much as Young Me wanted to be the outgoing fun girl, I know that she vastly preferred hanging out at home in her PJs. So, my advice to Stupid-Big-Bangs-Rebecca is this: Hey, don't worry about it. You have a lot of fun and a lot of stupid ahead of you. It'll take all that to get you to the place that I now am: CONFIDENT THAT I LOVE BEING AT HOME IN PJS AND MAKING NO APOLOGIES FOR IT.
"Sorry, friends. Can't tonight. I have to wash my hair and be in bed by 9:00. But I'll see you on facebook!"
Cats, toddlers, and no booze for Girls' Night to you and yours,
xo
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