Boring Can Be Fun

You spotted a new post and had two thoughts: 1) For realz? 2) NOICE.  I know, right? You thought I'd given up on this thing. I thought so, too, actually. Not in a purposeful, final, "I'm done!" kind of way. More in a gradual, "I haven't felt compelled to write anything, maybe I'll let it drift in to nothingness" kind of way, but without all the emo feelings that the phrase "drift into nothingness" can evoke. And then BOOM BABY! I stroll over here on a whim like, why not post something once every year? I can do it if I want. My whims got swagga. That's why they "stroll on over here" instead of "decide to click on the link in my bookmarks and see when was the last time I wrote something on the blog." Also, fewer words. Speaking of the last time I posted, let's have a quick little break-down of my blogging pursuits in 2016: The last time I posted was in July.  The last time I posted something good was...

Dear People Without Kids: Once upon a time--or 2 years, 2 months, and 29 days ago if you're into specifics--I was one of you. Well-rested and just sitting around, casually scrolling through my facebook feed, being constantly assaulted by posts about my friends' kids. Okay, maybe not "assaulted," but there are a lot of pictures of kids. And comments about kids. And questions for "mommy friends" about "how do I know what color snot indicates I need to have an anxiety attack and immediately administer the essential oils and then race to the urgent care for BIG PHARMA meds just to be safe? Or maybe it's just seasonal allergies? idk." I wasn't too bothered by it all. I mean, some of it makes you roll your eyes. Like, okay. I never wanted to know if your kid pooped on the potty. As a matter of fact, we're all supposed to not poop in our pants. So kudos to you on teaching your kid to do what WE ALL MUST DO.  Mainly I just wondered, wh...

I've officially been a mom now for ONE WHOLE YEAR. While I'm not yet ready to slip on some mom jeans and cut my hair into a Dorothy Hamill ice-twirling bowl cut, I do feel ready to reflect on what the experience has been like for me. Note the words: FOR ME. My experience obviously won't be the same as everyone else's. I sincerely hope you didn't need me to tell you that. Labor and Delivery Guess what? It hurts. Like a sonofabitch. (I used bad language because that's how bad it hurts.) Contractions aren't just shortened, combined words with apostrophes replacing letters you've left out. No sir. They are also your uterus' attempt to incapacitate you as if the very Devil himself is squeezing your insides. A child who presents "sunny side up" (face up instead of face down) will bang the back of her head on your tailbone as you push making it seem as if it's truly about to snap. Guess what else? As soon as the child finally exits ...

Alternate title: My pretty son. Tuesday was my baby girl's 8-month birthday. It was also Veteran's Day, so we had the day off work. While home, Patrick's parents and grandmother dropped by our house unexpectedly, which turned into an unexpected lunch out with the family. Patrick and I got the restaurant just a few minutes ahead of his parents and grandmother, so we waited outside for a few minutes. While waiting, a nice, grandmotherly-type lady approached us. You know how it is. You go out with a cute kid (and ours, obviously, is the THE CUTEST IN THE WORLD I LOVE HER SO MUCH), people are going to hound you like paparazzi stalking celebrities. Hey! Over here! You, with the most gorgeous child in the world! God bless you and that sweet baby!   Hey! Over here! Your baby is so cute! I wanna pinch her cheeks!   Ma'am! Your daughter should be a baby model!   Oh, my! Isn't she cute! How old is she? What a fun age! I love her shirt! What? People don...

It's official. We're less than 3 months away from Christmas. Less than 3 months from trimming the tree. Less than 3 months until Charlie Brown Christmas and Rudolph and all the good, old programs come on TV. Less than 3 months until the holiday party season. Less than 3 months to shop for gifts for the ones you love. Less than 3 months to save for those gifts. Less than 3 months to get cocktail dress ready. So what does that all mean? Obviously, we have to start the pre-season diet and exercise plan so that you look perfect in that LBD that you'll never actually wear to a single holiday party. We also need to get a shopping list going so we know what we want to get for whom--then never look at it again or lose it in a pile of junk mail. And we have to start saving all our pennies so we can buy gifts for other people and somehow end up keeping 30% of it for ourselves (I mean, we do have good taste), thus having to go shopping again for the people who no lo...

Did someone wish a pox upon my house? Because it worked.  Even sick, still doesn't care if you see her face. Tuesday afternoon, just as I was beginning to eat lunch, Sutton's day care called to let me know she had a fever and was acting puny. Cue mom reaction: My baby? Nooooo! Quicker than the bat of an eyelid (not really, but close), I was leaving work and hurrying to get my girl. She felt hot, and looked miserable. A small rash--just a few pink spots--had appeared around her mouth and on her arms. A few spots on her legs, too. She has good timing at least, since that afternoon she was already scheduled to see the doctor for a 6 month exam. They weighed her (15 lbs 9 oz) and took her temperature (102.1). The doctor guessed she had something viral, probably Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease (not to be confused with Hoof and Mouth--she's not bovine), possibly some kind of chicken pox. Either way, it was something that simply needed to run its course. ...

This one feels a like a bit of a ramble to me. You've been warned. On my birthday last year, I announced that I had a baby in my belly . This year, I'd like to announce that I had a Food Baby in my belly. Yesterday I turned 32 years old. (Don't cry for me, Argentina.) To celebrate, I took the day off work, spent too much money on clothes for my daughter, and ate, ate, ATE! And, it was soooo good. Allow me to describe for you my journey of sugar and delight: My husband, my knight in shining glasses and (sadly) Gator gear, left the house at 6:30 in the morning just to get some Krispy Kreme doughnuts for me. Healthy? HA--not on your life. Delicious? HA--you bet your life. Then for lunch, he took me out to Kool Beanz where I had bay scallops in angel hair pasta and an Orange Blossom beer. If you ever have the distinct pleasure of being in Tallahassee, I highly suggest them for lunch or dinner or, most deliciously, Sunday brunch. Lobster mac 'n' cheese... nom. ...

Want to know what people use as code for "I don't like your baby's name"? What's her name? Sutton Jane. *pause* Oh. What are you going to call her? (Alternative: Oh. What an interesting name. ) I think we're really serious about calling her Fred. Why do you ask? A nyway, Fred is 5 months old today and I'm already looking for a pause button. She is a smiley, laugh-y, play-ey baby who wants to pull her mama's hair . (Perhaps I should call her Honey Boo Boo.) We love her to bits and pieces. One day I might even show you a picture of her. Well fine, here's one, but I can't help it if she isn't overly interested in your curiosity to see her. "Thwarted!" Happy 5 months to Patrick's and my finest collaborative work!

Crimp your bangs, whip your hair into a side pony, and tie up your tie-dyed tee, kids. It's time to enjoy a totally late-80s/early-90s fabric painting video tutorial. You may be asking questions like: Why? Wha...? Do happy Tulip colors really make you feel like dancing? Will this song EVER get out of my head? The answer to the last question is: no. Muwahahaha!! Allow me to explain why I shared this peach of a video with you. As kids, my sister Elizabeth and I would often spend a few weeks at my grandparents' house in southern Illinois. They didn't have cable, and the over-the-air channels left something to be desired for two kids spoiled by having Nickelodeon and its classics, such as Pete and Pete , Salute Your Shorts , and, of course, Hey Dude . You know, good, quality programming. (Yeah, that's TWO videos for your viewing pleasure. Welcome.) Oh, sure, we rode bikes, played outside, played Chinese Checkers and WAR, helped Mamaw make dinner and l...

For the first time in ages--or more accurately, roughly 1 year and 7 months, the length of time I've been married--neither my facebook timeline photo or profile picture have anything to do with my wedding. This morning, I saw some photos taken a few weekends ago posted online by our cousin Kristin. She and her husband, Bruce, were in St. Augustine for a week before a belated Jamaican honeymoon, and we'd driven over to visit and spend a night with them and the Jacksonville family. Yes, they are the same Kristin and Bruce who we visited in California roughly 4 months ago, which vacation you know nothing about other than the fact that we traveled there and ate burgers. I swear, I have Part II written, I've just been insanely lazy about posting pictures to the entry so I can post it at last. (I've been insanely lazy about the whole blog thing. But, since I make no money and never made any real promises about keeping this a regular thing, well... consider this post ...

Life can't be all homemade yogurt and jokes about "Who is Putin?". It gets heavy sometimes. And lately, it's been heavy for a number of people around me. While not directly affecting my day to day goings-on, there has been a bit of sadness and upheaval on the fringes of my life.  Saturday, I learned of the passing of my first cousin to cancer, just over two years after losing her mother, my aunt, also to cancer. She was about 20 years older than me, and lived in Ohio, so we didn't have a regular "cousins" kind of relationship. Yet, even when it's family you don't see much of, you still love them and connect with them in some way. Something about shared DNA and family history. It was sad news for me, but my heart breaks for my family that knew her better than I did. Sunday, I learned of the passing of a woman I've known all my life, the mother of some of my oldest friends. This pair of Seminole sisters spent many a football Saturday in the...

In case none of you know, I have a niece, Natalie, who is the sweetest, goofiest kid I know. She's also extremely adorable, as is any relative of mine. Clearly, I'm not biased. My sister occasionally sends me texts with one-liners from NatNat giving me some conversation highlights, and I've had some really delightful conversations with the kiddo myself, too. Here are my favorite Natalieisms, as I remember them (which are likely incorrect, as my brain is like a sieve). My sister could surely correct me. 1.) When about aged 3 or 4, watching a singer on TV (national anthem at a ballgame, maybe?), telling my sister, that the singer's shoes were cute, but she did not like her hair or dress. They were not cute. 2.) Around that same age, in Marshall's while going through the shoes, she tells me she thinks something is cute, and her Mama would think it was cute, too, "But it's, um, it's not really my Mama's style." She was very into "cute...