Boring Can Be Fun

It's been a while since I've shared a pointless story with you, hasn't it? Well, lucky you, that's all about to change. Friday afternoon I left work early. It was the day of the FSU @ Boston College game, and hours before my sister's (early) 30th (THIRTIETH!!!!!!!!) birthday dinner. Plans:  Pick up sister's gift and b uy groceries. Go home and prep as much as possible. Collect spouse and child and drive to Perry. Throw party in my sister's own house. Try to prevent her from working, since she has some rogue gene that makes it nearly impossible for her to just. sit. and. relax. (I think maybe I got my share AND her share of that particular DNA.) Things went basically to plan (a small miracle in itself). Got to my sister's house. Prepped. Chopped. Set things out. Got sister to make tea. (She hates tea, but magically makes the most delicious tea, so... sorry not sorry.) People come over. We chill. We eat. We watch kids be silly and we watch foo...

Amazingly enough, around this time of year-- every year --I turn a year older. I call it a "birthday" because it's the anniversary of the day of my birth. Pretty clever, right? Right. I'll be 33 in a few short, wrinkly, creaky-jointed days. What do old people do to celebrate their birthdays? I'm not sure, but it probably involves facials and peels and botox.  Not for me, of course, because I'll ALWAYS look youthful. But for other people, they're totally up on that injectable botulism and dubious "fillers." I'm still holding strong with my crunchy, all-natural face care stuff . Except this morning I used one of my favorite old philosophy products and I'm like, yeah--some chemicals are totally worth it. Which makes me think, well, if this chemical is okay, another one would probably smooth away these fine lines. And another one would probably plump up the skin here. And I probably should just go dunk my head in a barrel of chemica...

I've officially been a mom now for ONE WHOLE YEAR. While I'm not yet ready to slip on some mom jeans and cut my hair into a Dorothy Hamill ice-twirling bowl cut, I do feel ready to reflect on what the experience has been like for me. Note the words: FOR ME. My experience obviously won't be the same as everyone else's. I sincerely hope you didn't need me to tell you that. Labor and Delivery Guess what? It hurts. Like a sonofabitch. (I used bad language because that's how bad it hurts.) Contractions aren't just shortened, combined words with apostrophes replacing letters you've left out. No sir. They are also your uterus' attempt to incapacitate you as if the very Devil himself is squeezing your insides. A child who presents "sunny side up" (face up instead of face down) will bang the back of her head on your tailbone as you push making it seem as if it's truly about to snap. Guess what else? As soon as the child finally exits ...

After recent forays into the interwebs to look up 1st birthday ideas, I've discovered you can, apparently, turn your child's 1st Birthday Party into "Wedding Reception Planning 2.0."  I need someone to hold me, 'cause it's scary. All the elements of the perfect wedding plan are there. You pick a theme, which includes the perfect color scheme. The invitations have to be special and unique (they alert your guests to the theme, after all). You come up with "whimsical" details to "inject some fun" into your party. Don't forget a goody bag for the guests! Oh, and how could I forget: the outfit! "It's your big day" so you need a customized outfit special for the day! And the food? It is to be exquisite. Treats, nibbles, tastes of delight! And the most ubiquitous detail of all: the burlap banner. It is to LOOK homemade, without actually being so. In reality, you spend $38 (plus shipping) for it on Etsy. Let's break this...

Alternate title: My pretty son. Tuesday was my baby girl's 8-month birthday. It was also Veteran's Day, so we had the day off work. While home, Patrick's parents and grandmother dropped by our house unexpectedly, which turned into an unexpected lunch out with the family. Patrick and I got the restaurant just a few minutes ahead of his parents and grandmother, so we waited outside for a few minutes. While waiting, a nice, grandmotherly-type lady approached us. You know how it is. You go out with a cute kid (and ours, obviously, is the THE CUTEST IN THE WORLD I LOVE HER SO MUCH), people are going to hound you like paparazzi stalking celebrities. Hey! Over here! You, with the most gorgeous child in the world! God bless you and that sweet baby!   Hey! Over here! Your baby is so cute! I wanna pinch her cheeks!   Ma'am! Your daughter should be a baby model!   Oh, my! Isn't she cute! How old is she? What a fun age! I love her shirt! What? People don...

This one feels a like a bit of a ramble to me. You've been warned. On my birthday last year, I announced that I had a baby in my belly . This year, I'd like to announce that I had a Food Baby in my belly. Yesterday I turned 32 years old. (Don't cry for me, Argentina.) To celebrate, I took the day off work, spent too much money on clothes for my daughter, and ate, ate, ATE! And, it was soooo good. Allow me to describe for you my journey of sugar and delight: My husband, my knight in shining glasses and (sadly) Gator gear, left the house at 6:30 in the morning just to get some Krispy Kreme doughnuts for me. Healthy? HA--not on your life. Delicious? HA--you bet your life. Then for lunch, he took me out to Kool Beanz where I had bay scallops in angel hair pasta and an Orange Blossom beer. If you ever have the distinct pleasure of being in Tallahassee, I highly suggest them for lunch or dinner or, most deliciously, Sunday brunch. Lobster mac 'n' cheese... nom. ...

Want to know what people use as code for "I don't like your baby's name"? What's her name? Sutton Jane. *pause* Oh. What are you going to call her? (Alternative: Oh. What an interesting name. ) I think we're really serious about calling her Fred. Why do you ask? A nyway, Fred is 5 months old today and I'm already looking for a pause button. She is a smiley, laugh-y, play-ey baby who wants to pull her mama's hair . (Perhaps I should call her Honey Boo Boo.) We love her to bits and pieces. One day I might even show you a picture of her. Well fine, here's one, but I can't help it if she isn't overly interested in your curiosity to see her. "Thwarted!" Happy 5 months to Patrick's and my finest collaborative work!

If the last day of the year isn't an appropriate time to look back over the year, then I don't know when is. Since you're just itching to know what my year looked like in a nutshell, I graciously decided to jot a few notes down for you. Consider it my (really lame) gift to you. Celebrated 1 year of marriage in January. (Un)Officially became marriage experts and decided we'll never encounter any difficulties after a solid year of marriage under the belt to prove that we definitely have it all figured out. Lost a family friend and a cousin. Took a trip cross-country to California in April. Sipped wine. Dipped my toes in the Pacific Ocean. Quickly removed toes from the Pacific Ocean. (That sucka is C-O-L-D.) Climbed mountains. Made friends with a local deer and a goat. Ate lots. Laughed lots. Babies were born, including my precious little Goddaughter, who likes me better than Uncle Patrick. Sometimes. My nephew turned 3 in May and my niece turned 8 in December! (Q...

How have things been the first chunk of my pregnancy?  Oh, just fine! No morning sickness. No nausea. Generally feeling great. Eventually something's going to happen, right? Well my "thing" is clearly the gestational diabetes. But not even really that. It's the FIVE HUNDRED MILLION THOUSAND DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS. Here's a letter I received (not really, just play along): Hey Becs, you gots ya some 'betis! So much for a smooth-sailing pregnancy! So here's what I'm going to need you to do. 1. Go to a meeting that lasts 3 hours to learn how Crystal Light is okay to drink, and Equal is fine, but stevia is not. And no one mentions how fiber in certain foods affects the body's absorption of carbs. "A carb is a carb." Then learn about how you get to prick your finger 4 fun-filled times a day to check your blood sugar. (See Wilford? I told you I would check my blood sugar, and check it often.) You're going to write down each bl...

But with all due respect to Mr. Cent, I will not sip Bacardi like it's my birthday. Yuck. I don't even like Bacardi. What I would like to sip is a nice, cold Chardonnay. Or a Vodka Tonic (with lime). What I  will sip is a glass of chilled water with lemon in it. That's going to be the kind of Boring Fun that this blogging empire of mine was founded on. I'm 31 today. And I'm having a much easier time of it than when I turned 30. I didn't actually get all, "I'm crying in the corner of a darkened room, so please leave a message at the beep and I'll call you next week," when I turned 30, but I also didn't embrace it as, "Finally, out of my 20's and this is the decade I'll love the most, according to some article I read once!" Mostly I was just, "Ew. 30. Not 29. Not 28. Not twenty-anything. T-H-I-R-T-Y." The point is, I've accepted that my youth is behind me and I'll now enter a swift decline, so this...

Answer: Because I'll do anything for a reader. (Within reason.) Because I had a few minutes break at work. Because he's a heck of a swell fella. Question: What is, "why I'm making a single, solitary post to wish Mr. Fernando Senra a birthday full of absinthe wishes and caviar dreams!" P.S. This is what that kind of birthday looks like: P.P.S. Calories never count on birthdays!